Broad Concept: World Cup Ads

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother, but just like a bad habit, it reels me in and spits me out.

I blame the generally entertaining World Cup ads designed to delight, like the amazingly nostalgic ad that harkens back to Michael Jordan’s Space Jam, which was a generally terrible movie for many, but fabulous in every way for geeks everywhere.

MIchael Jordan and Bugs Bunny in one movie? I'm in!

MIchael Jordan and Bugs Bunny in one movie? I’m in!

This World Cup ad was just like that, except with Clones. It’s Clone Jam, with football stars like Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo. Even Lebron James makes a cameo as a basketball star inevitably falling into the trap of the Clone-nization of sports everywhere.  Watch the ad entitled “The Last Game” and see if you don’t get entertained:


With soundbites like, “There’s no greater danger than playing it safe,” it’s sports ad gold.

I was hooked and my hopes for a string of fun, festive football ads were lifted.  But then I saw them, those ads. Women with footballs, but lest you forget that women are for looking at with their long supple legs and nice round… equipment, “let’s not dress them like athletes. Hell, let’s not dress them like regular people who want to kick a ball around.  She has to be in heels. And a little black dress! Yes! We don’t want the world to forget her femininity!”


At least McDonald’s tried to call her a “trick shot” artist, though I couldn’t resist pointing out that when you put “women” and “tricks” in the same sentence… well, never mind. I respect women in the sex industry, but I have a problem when everyone thinks that’s all we can do and that it’s some international license for people to treat us like nothing but talking heads with boobs, butts, and the occasional sandwich-making hands.

Kia just actually put it out there. They didn’t even mince words and images. They put Adriana Lima in a car, a short skirt, impossibly high heels and had her hold a ball. I mean, really–in an American Football practice field? Oh, you woman!  You silly lady plowing through the last bastion of American Maleness!!  Don’t you know you don’t belong there? But you came in a cute car, and a cute dress, and those heels are so magical they aren’t sinking into the soft, grassy field:


But honestly, what’s really getting my goat?  Is it because I can’t be sexy and attractive like these ladies?


What’s truly insulting is that: it’s as if Female Football Fans don’t exist.  Where are the Cristiano Ronaldo ads (that isn’t a cartoon clone) with his attractive shirt and jeans doing totally normal, lovely things, like playing football with a bunch of street kids? Where are the Neymar da Silva Santos, Jr. ads–fully clothed–doing heartbreakingly humane deeds, or Claudio Marchisio being, I don’t know, sensitive or something? Because while we do love the occasional beefcake, it’s so much better when it’s for a good cause.

But you know, who can blame them, right? It isn’t as if as women watch sports, right? We’re only 43% of the global viewership, so that’s nothing, really. We only watch girlie shows like “Pride and Sensibility“, and why in hell would we watch the World Cup when there’s GARDENING? Amirite, ladies? In the World Cup, women are just for decoration. We’re very good at that, especially when we gyrate. I don’t know why I even have these silly thoughts. I must be menstruating.